"....many people feel that they're not supposed to have any unhappiness in their lives, that if their lives are not close to perfect there's something wrong. And since our lives are rarely perfect, such people at times may be very prone to developing depressive symptoms. One of the things we can do as therapists is to spend some time with a patient looking at the nature of life as it actually is, not as we might like it to be. We can also help the patient to examine whether they have in fact developed an idealized, unrealistic view of what life is about."
"....many times, therapists see couples who are in continual conflict within their relationships over trivial matters and who act as if they have all the time in the world, as if their marriage will last forever. In such circumstances, it can often be a useful role for the therapist to help explore the impermanence of these two people's relationship together, the fact that one day they will be separated by death and they don't know when that will be. Many times people have found that an ongoing awareness of impermanence in their marriage, far from being depressing, can instead engender a considerable amount of gratitude for the time they have together and a determination not to waste it in arguments and conflict."
"....change is often the reason that people seek psychiatric help, ranging from the loss of a relationship, an unresolved bereavement, to difficulties with aging or a change in their health. We all know that even a job promotion or graduation from college can often be a source of stress or depression and much of this has to do with change and the ending of what was. Many patients suffer from depression because they have a lot of trouble accepting that something has changed in their lives, that there has been a loss of some kind and the past cannot be retrieved or corrected."
"....clinging is an interesting phenomenon, because it turns out that not only do we cling to what makes us happy, but to what makes us unhappy as well. We see this in the "case-histories" that patients carry with them, the wrongs that were done to them and the sufferings they experienced. In many cases, the root of the patient's problem is that they continue to cling to these events and will not let go of them."
"....patients need to see that they do in fact have power in their lives, that life is not simply a series of outside events happening to a helpless person. Particularly in problems involving personality, looking into cause and effect can help a patient discover that they do have choices, that their lives can become better, more manageable, and that it is possible to have more control than they have now."
"....so this is much the kind of thing that happens in many forms of psychotherapy. The therapist serves as a kind of spiritual friend, offering insight, experience, and suggesting certain directions, but he cannot make the journey for the patient, or even tell the patient what journey to make. It is also true that the patient is not going to like everything the therapist says. It is part of the role of the spiritual friend to reflect truth to the person who is seeking help, and also to reflect that person to themselves. And many times what is reflected is not what one would like.
That is why the other important aspect is the relationship itself, which must be one of mutual trust and high regard. The patient, must know that ultimately he is both honored and respected by the one who is attempting to guide him, and that he is never judged or belittled in any way."
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